Saturday, December 31, 2005


I hate Death.
It's dark, cruel, horrible.
It's not right. Its not the norm.
But it exists...

It must be painful waiting for death to overcome you, lieing there in a hospital ward...
It seems crazy to be alive, when death is at your doorstep, and nothing you can do will stop it.
It's just torture to watch you there, when I know that any second, you will be gone, and all the power in the world cannot stop this.
Every second to me seems like nothing, but to you, its another second to be with us, to be alive on this world.
Every breath i take, drink i drink, and food i eat, seems like nothing to me, but to you, it is a luxury.
Every time you look through your eyes, everything seems picturesque, even the run down houses and messed up streets is like a masterpiece.
Even the smell of the sewers is like a fragrant perfume.

I can't even comprehend what it feels like to be in this situation. I hate death. God has claimed victory over death. Yet physical death is still so painful. God tells us to live every moment on earth for him. Live life and take all the opportunities God gives you, as if it is your last. Only then, will physical death be something much easier to face.

But still... death is horrible. Waiting for it makes you feel helpless. I wish there was no death...

Tuesday, December 20, 2005


HEY i got OP 2 weeeeeeeee!! and I aced QCS weeeeeeeeee!! This is one of the best suprises life has given me, I'm just making the most of it hehe. When i found out i got op2 i refreshed the screen to see if it was for real... then i hit refresh a couple more times... and then i ran around the house a few times and woke up my parents! They were stoked! I felt awesome! weeeeeeee. Also, going to Malaysia for Xmas! Looking forward to the biggest family gathering of my life :D Going to meet all my cousins again and bum around, and it will be different this time, cos now i'm much older and i can mix in much better. I can't wait to dig into the satays, Chao Kwe Taos, Roti Chanai, Laksa, Nasi lamak, Nasi goreng, Curry, Ice Kachang, Coconut, Durian, Fried bananas, grass jelly, ice lemon teas, great seafood, awesome 100% italian restaurant in the middle of KK, and tonnes of other food..... *droools*

Friday, December 16, 2005

Life Changing Moments

Crap. Crap. Crap! Tomorrow is D-day for all grade 12'ers since our OP comes out. For me, its gonna be when all this really hits me. I've finished school. I've graduated from grade 12. I'm entering the 'real world'. I'm gonna be an architect. Still, finishing school hasn't sunk in. I still feel like formal was a night or two ago, and i haven't really graduated yet. Now my hopes are pinned on that enter button, when i enter the qsa website. No doubt many lcd screens are going to be broken. Computer repair companies are going to have a field day. but i still have 24 hours to gear up for that :)

Just thinking about moments that have changed my life so far:
  • my first visit to malaysia (1998)
  • my trip to the USA(2000)
  • graduating primary school (2000)
  • getting top .03% in queensland in maths comp. and winning maths team challenge (2000)
  • joining FIGS (2002)
  • my Baptism (2004)
  • Finishing High School (2005)
  • PB badminton comp. record 5 win - 1 loss (2005)

Other Moments people will remember for the rest of their lives (feel free to add)

  • Finishing UNI
  • first date
  • wedding
  • 21st birthday
  • day you get your pension/superannuation

Sunday, December 11, 2005

What's Commitment?

During the last fortnight, this topic has been in the forefront of my mind: what is commitment? Some people are commited to doing what is right, others are commited to do what is good for them, and other people are commited to what they want to commit themselves to. For me, and many people, especially those with an english background, have a commitment to what they say they will do, whether they like it or not. For example, someone invites me to a party and i tell them i will go. The day before the party, another friend invites me to their party. I would say no to him, and go to the first guy's party because i made a commitment to show up to his party when i said i would go. However, many other people, and i'd say predominantly asian, purely from experience, seem to think they can just say yes to everything and then make up their minds later, and rock up to whatever they want to. This, to me is not commitment. It may do justice to one person, but complete sells out another. How would my friend feel if i promised him a year ago that i would be there for his wedding, but not make it because i found out there was a party on that day a week before the wedding, and went to the party instead of the wedding because i thought the party would be funner for me. This has happened to me on many separate occasions over the past week, and it seems there is a disturbing but reoccuring pattern going on. What is commitment? Doing what you say you will, or doing what you feel like?

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

For the women out there...

One Flaw In Women
By the time the Lord made woman,
He was into his sixth day of working overtime.
An angel appeared and said,
"Why are you spending so much time on this one?"
And the Lord answered, "Have you seen my spec sheet on her?
She has to be completely washable, but not plastic,
have over 200 movable parts, all replaceable
and able to run on diet coke and leftovers,
have a lap that can hold four children at one time,
have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a broken heart
-and she will do everything
with only two hands."
The angel was astounded at the requirements.
"Only two hands!? No way!
And that's just on the standard model?
That's too much work for one day.
Wait until tomorrow to finish."
"But I won't," the Lord protested.
"I am so close to finishing this creation that is so close to my own heart.
She already heals herself when she is sick
AND can work 18 hours a day."
The angel moved closer and touched the woman.
"But you have made her so soft, Lord."
"She is soft," the Lord agreed,
"but I have also made her tough.
You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish."
"Will she be able to think?", asked the angel.
The Lord replied,
"Not only will she be able to think,
she will be able to reason and negotiate."
The angel then noticed something,
and reaching out, touched the woman's cheek.
"Oops, it looks like you have a leak in this model.
I told you that you were trying to put too much into this one."
"That's not a leak,"
the Lord corrected,
"that's a tear!"
"What's the tear for?" the angel asked.
The Lord said, "The tear is her way of expressing her joy,
her sorrow, her pain, her disappointment, her love,
her loneliness, her grief and her pride."
The angel was impressed.
"You are a genius, Lord.
You thought of everything!
Woman is truly amazing."
And she is!
Women have strengths that amaze men.
They bear hardships and they carry burdens,
but they hold happiness,
love, and joy.
They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy
and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up to injustice.
They don't take "no" for an answer
when they believe there is a better solution.
They go without so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel
and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear about
a birth or a wedding.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member,
yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss
can heal a broken heart.
Women come in all shapes, sizes, and colors.
They'll drive, fly, walk, run, or e-mail you
to show how much they care about you.
The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning.
They bring joy, hope and love.
They have compassion and ideals.
They give moral support to their family and friends.
Women have vital things to say and everything to give.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005


Wow it's so fun being on holiday... I've nearly forgotten about school, but every day I'm still in touch with all my buddies. The past week seems to have been really packed (but they weren't...):

Saturday 19th: Had badminton at 7:30am!!! what a crap way to start holidays :( Anyway... that went until about 1pm, then had to go to E & Sel's engagement party, which was pretty good (typical asians... loads of food...), and at night was at Aaron's 21st Party at some remote place in rochedale...
Tuesday: Met up with my old mate Shannon and went job hunting around Sunnybank and Garden City. I don't think it was very successful :( At night, went to Koshin's place for her farewell... she's going to a better place... (New Zealand... lucky person...). It was a bit sad but it was really nice to meet up with everyone.
Wednesday: Checked SAI's with alan. Got 388, 384, 383, 377, 358 & 356 for Physics, Chem, Graphics, Maths B, English, Maths C respectively. It was alrite... i was happy since i barely studied this year until exam week.
Thursday: Went to Wellington Pt with the asian group.... Had to catch 2 trains and walk about an hour to get to the beach/jetty. THEN it started pouring when we reached the beach bit... so we just waited and ate lunch, then did a bit of fishing, and bummed around the beach until 4ish. Met some crazy guy at park road station... seriously... he was fully swearing at us and spat at us and everyone on the other side of the station were telling us to smash the guy.... but we swiftly left the area and went home.
Friday: I have no recollection of what i did that day... except that i had music practice and badminton, where i spent 1 hr laughing at this girl wen i was supposed to be playing.... anyway....
Saturday: Last FIGS study for the year :'( its been a long year and we made it finally.
Sunday: nup totally forgot wat i did
Monday: formal photos came out. I turned out better than i expected... except in the group pics where it looked totally gay/yuck when the guys in the middle were hugging everyone else.
Tuesday: fully bum around day :P

yes thats about all i can take of remembering.... the past is so blurred... or my memory is getting real bad cos of holdiays :P

Saturday, November 19, 2005

Seniors 2005

its been twelve years coming
and finally its passed by
the feeling of being completely free
but i'm not satisfied. I don't know why.

The sad and happy feelings
when we say farewell to our friends
when we thought we'd be there for each other
til the very end.

Memories playing on our minds
good, bad and all
the times we all spent together
remember guys.. keep in touch and call!

Our final week was just crazy
Heaps of photos in formal and grad
Hopefully it will have been a memorable time
Something we all would have enjoyed, instead of being mad.(at people)

I don't know what to think,
sometimes I feel I screwed this final week
Things i did, should have done, didn't do
It feels like im swimming up a dam steep creek.

I know i am really crap at poetry
and i'm winging this on the spot

it's been a crazy week, ending in a crazy day where we screwed up wivenhoe dam so much. Used so many megalitres of water in a crazy water fight at roma st. Some people (.....umm Magnus :P) even chucked around huge eskys full of water and ice, and half of us got fully wet. We had lunch before that, and after the huge water fight, we had like a huge group photo session. After that, met up with Owen and the dam asians (who were too scared to get wet, so they did something booooring) and went to city. Owen was trying to find tiff at city coz he had her bag full of clothes (well i was carrying it around...) so they stopped at sushi train for snacks. After that... when we were getting on the bus, i saw like 10 BGGS uniforms and owen decided to stop at cultural station to give tiff her 27th missed call. AND AMAZINLY she picked up, so me and owen went back while the others waited (they ditched us and went on a citycat... grrr). Owen was really really funny and homo when we found tiff at King George Sq. HE LITERALLY WENT AROUND AND HUGGED EVERYONE. It was so funny, i wish i had my camera out on video! Apparently i was supposed to do it, but its not my natural instincts to do that kinda crazy stuff so :P. Then we went to southbank to find our stupid friends gone citycatting (they woulda been late for their dinner haha..... serves them right for ditching us!) Yeah we headed home at about 6... It was a pretty fun day.

Anyway, Gotta run. I'll update soon!


Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Formal Fever

Finally the Formal has come and gone.... and it went like a flash. In the arvo, i was trying to dye my hair with semi-permanent dye... took me and DY an hour... but the dye didn't come through :(. Well Marky and Ping came and picked me up with his merc. and we drove to hamilton to pick up Crystal.. my partner :P After a bit of navigation... we stumbled upon the BIGGEST HOUSE I have ever seen..... its crazy with a stone stairway thing going from the top balcony to the bottom where the gate was. She took a bit to get down the walkway thing.... but it was worth the wait.. she looked so beautiful and pretty... just stunning (mum used the word 'sexy' for the first time i can recall). Yes... lalalala got to the formal, and took zillions of pics, found my friends and Crissy's friends... waited for about 1hr taking photos before dinner was served. The food was probably less than average... especially for such an occasion, and that wasn't too great. We took a few professional photos as individuals, as a couple, and with the other BGGS girls and their partners. Music was OK.... me and DY predicted like most of the songs. I think most of us were crap at dancing and just made it up. At the end i went and said bye and stuff to all my friends, especially the ones I've known since primary school, and my close buddies. It was pretty sad, but it looked like i was crying cos i think i rubbed glitter into my eye..which stang a bit. After the formal we dropped Crystal home (cos shes a good girl and needs her sleep :P) and then did some karaoke and stuff. Its 8:20 pm tuesday now, and i havent slept since monday 5:30am... so figure. Overall, it was a great time to spend with my school buddies, and with my awesome partner :) I hope it will be a good memory for all of us.... which is one of the last memories of our high school years.

Friday, November 11, 2005

Game Over Man... Real Life time :P

11/11/2005 10:31am Josh's Proclamation: OVERRR!!!!

Yes... thats right.... hasn't sunk in yet (especially after 3 hours of group shopping...... which sucked really bad...) but I've finished high school FORVER! I can only feel the satisfaction of no rough waters for the next few months... something i've never been able to truly feel in my life. These last 3 exams were one of the hardest ones i've had... probably because i didn't study much, and the topics were pretty crap to say the least.... probability... damped simple harmonic chem... all boring boring hard stuff.

My plans for the next 3 months or so:
  1. get a job
  2. lose a few kilos
  3. train in badminton to make it into states/national team and/or
  4. train soccer left wing position
  5. go to malaysia n see my fav. cousion get married.. also shopping and other stuff hehe
  6. celebrate NYE with my mates
  7. learn how to play 'classical' guitar
  8. finish the puzzle MC gave me... too bad 900 of the 1000 pieces are WHITE cos its a snow background...
  9. design the landscape for the front of my house... including new fences

yep.... sounds pretty good....

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Don't Blink...

I remember it like yesterday, when i put on my green macgregor uniform for the first time... and now I'm about to say farewell to this memorable time of my life. All the great times and some of the sad and gloomy times are in the forefront of my mind as I yet again look back onto the period where i have learnt the most about this world God has flung me into. Yesterday was when i found my feet, today is where the trials, tests and exams occur, and tomorrow, i hope to be a better person than i am today. But i will never forget the days where i stayed up and played games all night with my buddies, and the times when i played soccer in the rain just to get wet and have fun (and get a cold), and the times where we just lazed around at lunch and played good old big 2. Now we are getting older and going our separate ways, but hopefully, we will never forget this time, this group, this memory... which is drawing to a abrupt close...

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Nail in the Coffin

I'm not playing guitar at church anymore...
Today I thought I played well and all, and even MC and others said it was good and stuff... but then SOMEONE just looks at me and shakes his head... its so frustrating when people put you down, and I know i shouldn't quit just because of one person, but its for varying reasons but that is probably what made me make the decision. I don't think someone who does not come to practice has authority to be able to say someone did something crap, however talented or good they are. Church isn't about perfection in self, its about being with all your church friends and worshipping God and reading the bible and stuff like that... God does give people talents and gifts, but he doesn't give them so we can judge others who aren't as talented, he gave them so we can help each other.
On a better note, Got my hot little hands on my tickets to Malaysia! Going back mid december and coming back just in time for new year :) Can't wait to go back to see all my reles and eat myself to my heart's content and to buy loads of stuff!!!

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Joshi's List for the next 3 weeks:

Thursday 3rd: Last English Assignment for High School :P X
Friday 4th: Physics and Graphics assignment X
Saturday 5th: Buy Formal Stuff
Wednesday 9th: Maths C Exam
Thursday 10th: Maths B Exam
Friday 11th: Chemistry Exam, CELEBRATE END OF EXAMS
Monday 14th: Formal :D:D:D:D
Friday 18th: Graduation YAY!!!
Saturday 19th: sleep all day, order pizza delivery, music blaring in the background somewhere...
Monday 21st: Find myself a job haha

Monday, October 31, 2005

Teh Joshi Design Showcase :P

After cramming a 10 week assignment into 1 week last term, and slowly doing the rest of the business part of the assignment, my awesome and simple graphics toy has been completed. Meet R2-D7, R2-D2's long lost brother's cousin's son in law! It looks so sweet and sexy after i designed it on computer :P I hope the teacher accepts my ultra funny powerpoint, which slams every other toy design in the class because their toys are so market unfriendly. It's so biased... and i need like a VHA10 in this assignment to catch up to my friend who wags school just to do graphics.

Life is going great... except for a few minor dilemmas.... and i need to catch up on loads of sleep...

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

17 Days til I'm free...

Wow... I can't believe I'm about to finish school so soon! It feels kinda weird, since i've been schooling for almost 13 years of my life. I can almost remember the first day of school for me... back in Auckland. I was really scared back then, being one of the few asians in my area, and not being a very good talker. Not much has changed since then... I'm still smart, lazy, getting into trouble for things i don't do, always laughing at something funny, shy and crap at starting conversations. One great difference is that now i feel much more mature and independent (yes you laugh, but its true!). I'd love to turn back the times to when i was young and carefree, didn't care about anyone looking at me or anything like that. That's one bummer from getting old i guess...

Still, I can't really picture myself as a uni student, or having a full time job, or any of those things that come with age. I hope i will always be the same little joshi i have always been... however old i may be!

Thursday, October 13, 2005

A Poem...

I'm bored... and feeling a bit poemy... so I chucked this amatuer poem here...

I hear the rustling leaves of fall
And feel the icy winds of winter
It seems there is no hope
Nothing that could change this heart

I see the grey skies of darkness
And the impenetrable fog of despair
Dark days are slowly settling in
The love beginning to disappear

Behold! The night is nearly over
The dawn is soon to come
The frozen heart of yours
Begins to soften back to life

Spring swiftly approaches unto us
Cherry blossoms are ready to bloom
The once monotonous world of mine
Will shine like the stars above

The love I once laid my eyes upon
Meticulously shaped into its true form
A love shaped by the maker above
Given by grace to the undeserved one.

It's a 5 min job but hey... its good enough...


Monday, October 10, 2005

The Idea of North

On Saturday a few friends and I went to the Idea of North concert thingo at the Powerhouse. Me and E got there late (probably early for E) and we missed the first song... and i was buggered running through new farm park. Lucky we ran though, because Idea of North is such a good acapella group. I'm a music guru, and their live gigs sound so great, and their live songs sound a lot better than their already good studio recordings. They have a good balance since they have one bass, tenor, elto and soprano, and they can even vary who does which part... they are just brilliant! Not only are they good, they are funny! They do the most hilarious songs and add the funniest lines ever! There was this one where one guy was doing a solo and the rest were doing air guitars and stuff... the song was about this guy who likes to go to the pub and hook up with girls or something, and one time he was drunk or something and tried to ask the ugliest girl out, and she said NO. It's so funny... Also this other short song asking all these funny questions and ended in confusion from the question: what meat is in spam? They do really cool sounds in their songs too... its like controlled beat boxing and i so want to learn to do that!
After the concert we were sitting down and someone said we should start an acapella group too. It was dubbed by me 'The concept of South', and I am so taking the funny guy's part in this group! I can be the funny tenor :P It would be cool if we just did it for fun though... but I doubt it will happen.... there's still hope!

Monday, October 03, 2005

Wake me up when november ends...

I'm going to hibernate; act like a machine; think like nothing happened. I just feel like I want to hide forever from the world. Yesterday I summed up all my courage and asked (she who must not be named :P) to my formal. It didn't really go as planned, but I'll tell you guys that some other day. Anyway, apparently her valedictory is on the same day as my formal, WHICH kind of is really really really crap. Anyway, the day probably couldn't have got worse... then my cowboys lost the grand final, my liverpool team got thrashed by chelsea, real madrid won and kept a clean sheet, bali got bombed and God knows what else probably happened. Yeah... this week has been really crap, and i have a feeling the next few weeks are going to be worse. I just want to hide and get away from all this stuff happening to me. I have like 0% luck and it seems fate enjoys going against me. I just wish something significant would go right, or else its better to hibernate, or act like a machine that don't have feelings or emotions. Every glimmer of a high is met by a rock solid low, and this trend has been going on for like 17 years of my life. Either all the good times i should have are saving up for some spectacular future, or I'm just one more unlucky guy in the world. At the moment, I'd give so much for her to come to my formal, or even to see my team spectacularly win a game, but it won't happen. Someone remember to wake me up when November ends...

Saturday, October 01, 2005

September/October... Romance Blooms...

September and October has been a pretty hectic month by itself, with post QCS symptoms, second semester major exams, QTAC preferences being due, FIGS camp, and tonnes of other stuff. Yet, people have still found space and time for romance, and its quite freaky because I've never seen as much of it in my life. Janny and big Harry... i mean Warren got married, I've been hanging around at uni and with friends...... and its the first time that I have seen so many of my friends going out. A certain couple also decided to deepen their relationship to marriage ( I won't name anyone at this point in time) and its pretty exciting to see them take this step, cos both these people are pretty awesome. And last but not least, everyone is going on (and I am too) about partners for the Senior Formal at school. I've had my fun by joking around with people, but when it gets to the real thing, it seems pretty nerve racking, especially when you have never really done anything like it before. And then theres all the stupid preparation of transport, suits, other accessories, doing hair, and WHAT IF WHOEVER YOU ASK SAYS NO!!! It sounds so embarassing and it feels like if they say no, it feels like you or the other person will never be friends. Oh well, I guess we guys have to cop the rejections and no's and move on in life :P Anyway, have to go.......


Sunday, September 25, 2005

The Run Home...

Ahhh 39 days before my fantastic high school career ends. The run home isn't going to be pretty..... sitting on HA10 for chemistry and 1 complex off HA10 in maths B. Planning to prove my Maths C teacher wrong and that i can move from HA6 to VHA1.... either way i'm gonna improve from the HA6, so thats good. Formal coming up..... day after block week. I better get my act together and seriously ask someone soon... or i'm gonna be partnerless... which could suck. This term is going to be so fast and crazy..... but lucky for me there is no physics or english work to do because we only have 1 assignment in those subjects.. and graphics is a bludge as usual.... so maths b maths c and chemistry to study for now!
I decided not to go to Malaysia anymore since we aren't going to KL, and theres not much point of me wasting 2 grand just to see my cousin's wedding. I'd way rather save that for my beloved mazda 3 or equivalent :) so im gonna have an awesome 3 month break at home.... hopefully i can go to the coast with my friends loads and bum around, that will be awesome.

Ahhh all these happy thoughts of 3 month break!!! better focus on school work first. back to this stupid relativity thing..... c ya

Monday, September 12, 2005

Fantabulastic FIGS Camp

After 9 months of ideas, 2 months of organising, and 3 weeks of crazy email conversations, figs camp has finally come and gone. All the time and effort has finally seen the end product, even though the long term results can never be truly seen. Its been a great learning experience for me, ever since i took this 'crazy' move by volunteering for the job. I think i was probably the least equiped with time, experience, and leadership skills, but i feel that i was spiritually led through the whole thing. in the month prior to the camp, i have racked up more than 100 emails concerning the camp, and its been at times frustrating that I could not convey my message clearly with everyone else. However, one person who was specially placed by God to help me with this task, gave me some good advice: put your foot down! I was also encouraged immensely by the leadership group, and i am happy they withstood all my emails going around without going crazy at me. Some people would plainly verbally encourage me, but others would give me an awesome smile or funny face, which really lifts me. BLT was great. It didn't really take much time and energy out of me, but it gave me an insight into God's growing leadership group (i was the youngest...) but that just made me try even harder, pray even more, and i knew that God would work through me. QCS was a relief. I probably didn't do very good, but it didn't take much time or energy. The big beast that blocked me from FIGS camp was the Block Exam Boogey man. I probably did the whole term's work each night before the exam, and i probably deserved my B for Chemistry and C for Maths c, but i think a bit of heavenly intervention and my knack of failing my first exams and acing the rest helped me to top physics and maths b (like top top of the grade :P). That took away a whole term's worth of energy, but i was blessed by God's provisions for me. Every day after each exam i would g to my computer and do all my FIGS stuff. That week was crazy because i was running around with the rego forms (because no one in the chinese church gave them to me until the due date). After that, time flied to FIGS camp. The first night was an hour of wasted time waiting for the chinese church (who are unbelievably slow) to come and give us the room allocation. i was kept up til 1am because some inconsiderate people kept on talking about crap (especially when they warned me about not keeping them up, which i didn't do purposely last year after i got hit by a hammer and a screwdriver in the dark). Saturday morning was beautiful. Everything went planned except that we did not have a keyboard (I told someone to bring one... but i guess others thought otherwise). The baptisms were very teary for me. One of my closest and best friend was baptised, and his compulsive gambling girlfriend. They told me it was cold in the pool, so i jumped in later, and it was nice as. When we were playing soccer, it was one highlight of funnynes in the camp. No, it was not my beautiful goal, but I crossed to jeff... he jumped, the ball went waist high, and to say the least... it hurt. Me and him went down the simultaneously, i was laughing and he was in eternal pain. The night game was pretty funny, but you can hear carson's funny balderdash descriptions next time. That night was crap though. I slept at 12 while the rest were playing cards til 2am. E came in at about 3am. No one closed the door, and i was looking straight into it when i woke up at about 4am. I couldn't sleep after that... Sunday was great though. Mark wrapped out an awesome and eye opening bible study into revelations, and even gave some of us a rendition of QUEEN. We wrapped up with some topical discussions on evolution and drugs/smoking/gambling. Lunch was good ( i only had 1 serving of each meal thank you very much). The way home had breathtaking views from mapleton down to maleny. Thanks to everyone who went to FIGS camp, and big thanks to Mark and the other leaders. FIGS CAMP 2005 VERDICT: ABSOLUTELY AWESOME!

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Show offs....

If you just got a bad mark for an exam and you feel pretty bad, do you want one of your 'friends' to rub it in? I don't think so. I have a very short tolerance levels for show offs... but when someone is feeling really upset, i don't think its a very appropriate time for people to boast. I just got a really bad mark (to me anyway...). This guy who did beat me by one rung decided to rub it in. He's always like that and i'm normally used to him boasting and showing off to people, but i was really upset, and so were a few others. I don't think him saying 'i did absolutely nothing and beat all of you's! Waa i'm so good'. If i was the teacher and i heard that, i would put his mark down like straight away. Things like that are uncalled for.

At least my marks overall are very consistant and alrite, so i can come back up again next term. Next term, i'm gonna study so hard, going to prove to everyone i am the real deal. Bye bye computer but i shall make up for a term of hibernation for you.


Thursday, September 01, 2005


I feel so awesome now! no more exam pressure. No more qcs headaches. Resigned to getting a really crap OP. Time to burn organising figs camp and just chilling around! How awesome can life get. I've finally found some confidence in organising figs camp, thanks to some awesome people who are continuously poking me towards the right path. I've learnt loads ever since i took up this role.

Today i was running around sunnybank plaza, wrecking havoc as per my usual self. All these oldies looking at us thinking we are truanting lunatics when actually we just finished maths b exam, which incidentally was quite a good exam for me :). All the stuff i wrote in my english column about stereotyping teenagers were quite evident today.

Has anyone realised that Willy Wonka has EXCESSIVE make up, as with the rest of the cast of that movie. Johnny Depp looks like a woman playing Mr. Wonka, its really scary and alarming (not that i care). oh well... time to burn, so awesome!


Wednesday, August 31, 2005


I remember the last time i tried to co-ordinate something big. Everyone assumes things are happening their way. No one listens to wat I say, and at the end everything becomes mixed up. Things tend to repeat themselves, but i hope i can do this properly. It's just very frustrating when people say this and people say that, and that is not really wat I said or was how it was supposed to be before. I dunno... hope everything works out right for FIGS camp... or I'm a dead man in both worlds.

Thursday, August 25, 2005

The lull before the storm...

I think this is my last non-panic day before i have to start studying like a maniac on exams... This week has been so busy... BLT and QCS did not help... (well they did..... QCS not as much..). QCS is so stupid... The last question in the SRI was to write about the atmosphere in a picture given. They gave us about two pages to answer this question... and it was the hardest one. I wrote some stuff about romance and some women waiting for a guy to come into their lives. I just blabbed on and on about crap. The theme for the written was discovery... I did an editorial about Space exploration being a waste of time. I was able to incorporate something about God and the Broncos too! ohhh yeah, for the soccer fans.... The SR had a piece.... written by LES MURRAY!!! i was laughing for like 2 mins... but it wasnt THE les murray.... some lunatic poet... oh well...

Time to get ready for exams...

Saturday, August 13, 2005


I'm such a nothing. Just a void. A pawn in the chess board. An insignificant figure. Yet it astonishes me how someone can use such an imperfect being for their ultimate goal. I can confess... I'm not a good study writer. I'm not the best leader a group could have. I'm not the most focussed person around. I like to bum around when I am able to. I'm no good with talking to an audience more than 1. I'm so imperfect, yet God still works through me.

Today for FIGS, I wrote the study, and in the beginning I was so happy because I finished writing it so early. But in reality, I wasn't very prepared today. I shifted the leadership to someone else. I kind of bummed around and annoyed people a little bit in the study (sorry everyone ><). I feel terrible. Yet God worked through me. He was able to arouse the thoughts of a new christian. She asked great questions about being a christian. Questions that i knew the answers to, but i had once struggled with or always practiced. But i didn't know how to answer them properly. Luckily, i had awesome leaders to help answer the q's. Thank God that my study gave glory to him, despite its imperfections. Its truly a miracle.

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Christianity too structured? only from society's view!

Today, i was talking to one of my best friends when the topic of religion came up. We both refuted the big bang theory, he was for evolution, i was for adaptation (which is not mutation of genes and so on), but then he said that religion is too structured, and organisational these days. I must say, that i have to agree with him on that one, well thats the society's view of christianity. He thought that religion should be based on one's understanding and point of belief, which is one major part of coming to a relationship with God. All the interdenominational wrangling, the spiritual heirachy business (all the deans and popes and whatnots) and christian factions which have become way too outspoken have tinged the great name of God in the eyes of the lost. Companies like Hillsong have sometimes gone too far organisationally, and have taken away their sole purpose in need for consumer exposure. Affairs relating to high profile religious figures (who i doubt are even deserve their high profile place, or even of 'the faith' if they get caught for sexual misconduct and other vile crimes) do not help the image of christianity.
For me, i did not come through some organisation of brainwashing or any kind of pressure. Sure, i went to sunday school, but that means little. I became a christian in my own way. I had the information about Jesus and sin and so on. That wasn't my struggling point. I pieced history, based on facts, with the bible. I pieced christian teaching with good morals. I pieced the history of the world with the history of God: the bible, and everything fit perfectly. I had no doubt in my mind that God was the way. Jesus is the way to God, He is the truth, and He brings eternal life to me and everyone who believes. This is my own way of coming to the point of belief.
Christianity is not an organisational cult. It is personal. Me and God. You and God. It doesn't matter what everyone else says or thinks. In the end it is God.

Saturday, July 30, 2005

Busy Busy Busy...

today was so busy.... and im still sick :(

day started off at about 9 15 when i got woken up by parents hanging out the clothes...

went out to meet a friend at9 30 til 11

went to friends house to play soccer until 12 30

got home at 1, started assignment at 2

went to church at 3 30

music practice til 6 30

figs activity 7 to 10

minor accident in game at about 9 30 which required some medical attention... hope hes ok

someone lost their car keys at 10.... had to look all over church

got home at 10 30

finish assignment all night

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Josh's house ideas (very biased)

For graphics... we have to design a house... heres just some of my whacky yet funny ideas

  • swimming pool with dive board "Ben Kennedy Dive Board" (for those who don't know, Ben Kennedy is a NSW rugby player who 'dived' or faked an injury in the stae of origin)
  • Wally Lewis Statue (its going to be 'borrowed' from suncorp stadium :P... note the ' ' )
  • blue carpet (walk all over the blues)
  • Maroon roof (maroons on top)
  • Bradd Fitler toilets (special toilets which carry the name of one of the most hated NSW players)
  • a lift (for comfort and ease)
  • a walkalator (to get from the front of the house to the back of the house without any hassle)
  • 3.5 metre tv with 9.1 home theatre system
  • swimming pool has retractable depth system ( i think i invented it..... unless someone has already patented it... so i guess i wont say more unless you ask me :P)

yes.... very interesting house.... it will be finished in 1 week :P

Saturday, July 23, 2005

Christians... but not Christians

When I look around myself, i know many non-christian people, and also many christian people. But there's something I don't get: some of those christians are just christians by name, non christians by faith. They all say they are christian, and sometimes even boast or try to evangelise, but if you look at their lives, you cannot see any christian example. I know that God forgives their sins and wrong doing, but the thing is that i doubt their conversion to begin with. They swear, they put God's name in vain, they act probably worse than non-christians at times, but then they say they are Christians. Their priorities must be mixed up in some way, and peer pressure is probably a big influence in their lives. These people must nudged back into the correct path somehow, before the devil can utilise this potential spiritual weapon.
Christians have been severely marginalised and stereotyped in the modern world. The concept of christianity has been stained by those who are not putting God as their first priority, and this adds to the misconception of the only true God in the universe. It is my personal desire to correct this misconception, and to tell the world that christianity isnt a bunch of crazy people who desire rules and regulations which make life boring and not worth living.

Monday, July 18, 2005

Random stuff...

I finished reading harry potter 6 yesterday... its quite an awesome book! JK Rowling must be such a great writer... everything just flows so well, and she only gives away what she needs to, and does not spoil any ending. Because of this excessive reading, my neck is so sore that its not funny.
This morning, i had the first assessment of the term... stupid graph sketching exam for maths b. Its so ridiculous, and we werent allowed calculators!!! My key to getting good marks... my CASIO!!!! anyway, i did pretty good i think, had to scribble in the graph in about 3 seconds because i wasted about 5 minutes staring at my answer until it finally clicked.
Im getting an award at assembly this wednesday! my first academic that i've got in 4 years. I reckon i should've got one each year, but i seem to slack off a lot in the first semester. At least now i know where i stand op and rank wise. need to improve a bit to get that elusive op2 :(. sigh more work... better get going.

Monday, July 11, 2005


I was just wondering to myself how much friends mean to me, and i cannot really fathom where i'd be without my friends. I wouldnt say my family is very good at communication, especially when i have an older brother 11 years older than me, and parents at retirement age. We always get caught up in silly disputes, and i wouldnt say my relationship with my brother is good. I don't think i've had a conversation with him in my life. My parents are very old fashioned, and they are against technology (always find something bad to say about it) so i get chucked into stupid arguments. I get really depressed and fell quite lonely at home. I always wish that i could have someone to talk to, someone that really cared about me and could at least show it in some way. I wanted to find friends who i could relate to, play around with, and have fun with. Just seeing these type of people in my life puts a smile on my face.
Since about two years ago, its been getting better, one step at a time. i stumbled on a new group of friends at youth group, and all of them made me feel welcome. Some of them, whom i've become great friends with, have changed my life in massive proportions. This also impacted my school friends. I have found my true friends among my school friends. There may not be a lot of them, but its better than having a group of 'fake' friends.
Without this change in my life, i cannot really think where i'd be. Its a blessing to know that i have people who truly care for me and encourage me through the good and the bad times.
A smile on your face can almost bring tears of joy in my eyes.

Saturday, July 09, 2005

Where's the Security?

Following on my previous entry, I'd like to express my utter concern for the security of Australia. Because of our 'close alliance' with the US, and continuing support on the 'war on terror', Australia is becoming more and more insecure. After 9 11, Bali, Madrid, and now London, it is not a matter of if, but more when. The heart of the political world was hit first. Then the prime holiday destination of the western world was hit. Now arguably the most prominent historic and modern city is hit. America, Asia, and Europe has been bombarded. It's obvious there's one more piece to this global 'puzzle' of terror.

Even after recognising this, the measures of security in Australia as compared to London or NY are considerably less. Hypothetically looking at Brisbane, there is barely any security on public transport. Brisbane is the second largest city in the world (not population wise, but some comparison i read), with a lot of public transport. But there is no security on most of them. When i first caught the train, i thought there would be a ticket guy or someone checking things. However, i was wrong. Anyone can walk in with a suspicious bag, without any type of check whatsoever. Buses don't have a way to determine if a bus has been hijacked until it misses a few stops or loops, and that will be too late. I heard that the bridges on the brisbane river are a prime target to cause maximum chaos. if they were knocked out somehow, brisbane would be in disarray.

I'm not saying that brisbane is going to be the next target, but i'm saying that, quite frankly, brisbane's security is crap, and so is every city except for maybe sydney.
In this hopeless world, we must be vigilant, and always on high alert. Also, we must remember that God is always in control. His plan cannot be fathomed, and cannot be stopped by mere mortals.

Friday, July 08, 2005

Pray for London

I got home from watching Fantastic Four at about 10 30pm last night. I was feeling pretty good, beacuse the movie was better than I thought. I was thinking of heading straight to the sack. When I walked up the stairs, my parents asked if i had heard anything on the news. I said no, then i was told of these london bombings. First thoughts: "You gotta be joking...". I ran to my trusty computer and watched some news reports. Second thoughts: " Not again..." This definately was not an accident. London just won the 2012 bid. Its the 7th of the 7th. The bombs were planted in perfect coordination (a few were detontated when two trains passed each other, to cause maximum impact). The bus was to show that this was not a malfunction, and to give a physical reminder of the terror. All this planning and coordination, for such a ruthless attack... makes me feel so disgusted.
Please take a few moments from your busy lives, and pray for London. Pray that God will work through this chaos, because He is in control of everything.

Thursday, July 07, 2005

OK... But maybe not...

I'm becoming sick and tired, seeing and experiencing people saying or putting themselves into something, but not following it through. I don't know if its just me, but people seem to do that involuntarily, not even thinking about the responsibility they have put themselves into when they made the initial agreement.
The first time i experienced this was when some friends at school decided to start a band for the multicultural assembly. When i asked them all, they agreed to join, and initially agreed on the song. The first few practices were muck around, and when we were supposed to get serious (4 weeks before the assembly and 1 week before auditions) they all dropped out because they didnt like the song and they didnt want to get so serious.
The more recent one really is a debate about priorities. But just let me say this: I have been part of the Worship team for more than 18 months, and in those 18 months i have always been reminded that i chose to be part of the team. Being in the team there are some rights and responsibilities. I don't ask for many days to be rostered, but i seem to be on the front every sunday because i'm probably filling in for people, and the roster for me is pretty hectic. That's a responsibility i have to do, unless i am prevented to do it i.e. im sick or out of town.
Some people don't recognise what responsibility is, until it hits them in the face. I'm only asking for people to remind themselves of the things they put themselves into, and either carry them out, or provide sufficient reasoning to prove they can't do it.

Monday, July 04, 2005

Proof that Joshi is NOT evil...

After months of criticism that Joshi is evil, Joshi has decided to use his mathematical mind and logical thinking to prove that he is NOT evil:

Since Joshi is not a girl

Therefore Joshi does NOT equal evil

Therefore Joshi is NOT evil!

Friday, July 01, 2005

Christening of "Hebe"

Thursday 30th June 6:26pm: We have the christening of the new member of the Josh Tan family... the magnificent Yamaha Guitar... and the KORG tuner!
First the fresh-smelling guitar was taken out of the bag by joshi. Joshi and pRoXi marvelled at that beautiful looking guitar for a whole minute or two. Then the trial runs by joshi and pRoXi.
First song played by josh tan and pRoXi: Romance. Verdict: Absolutely beautiful!
Second trial song: Everyday. Verdict: too good!
for the tuner christening... Joshi held the plastic bag while pRoXi pulled the tuner out (of its former life of sin and darkness, doing nothing in the box :P).
Trial run of the KORG tuner: works great!
The guitar is now called Hebe, because shes one of my fav. singers (shes asian btw) and i don't know, i just felt like calling the guitar Hebe :P. She's also the Goddess of youth or somethingorother, (and i'm trying to find a way to link that to my guitar).... ANYWAY.... you get the point :P
love love love this guitar!!!!

Sunday, June 26, 2005


The past three days (and in fact... the past 3 weeks) have been so tiring but fun for me (for most of it anyway). The only catch is that I have been depriving myself of my sleep... and now i am so crazily tired that its not funny. Mum and Dad went on holiday on friday, and i was left to fend for myself for the past three days or so. Cooking food and having all the time and space to myself is great, but all the responsibilities like rubbish, cleaning, washing, checking power points, checking locks, etc. take their toll. Having a lan party at during part of this time, and going through the figs study, and preparing the figs activity was pretty stressful and busy too. But I got through, and it was worth it because 10 people came to the lan, which was really good, figs had a lot of discussion and stuff, and the activity was probably the best one i have led/organised ever. Now my parents are back, and i think i am grateful for it, as i can now sleep in and not worry about anything except sleep and more sleep. Luckily i bailed out of computer games after 3:30ish or else i would be near death right now due to sleep deprivation and excessive radiation.
Life as a whole is going OK. There are still times where i am feeling there is no hope, but i am holding up great. I'm starting to grab a hold of my life again, stamping out all the impatience and carelessness that has led to close calls and things i probably shouldnt have done/be doing.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

A Guy's Life

I've been looking around and keeping tabs on some guys who are younger than me, and now i think i can safely and surely picture a normal teen's life.

Year 1 - 5: Carefree, into all those kiddie stuff, starting to think about girls, realising what the internet is, joshi's perspective: a pain in the butt
Year 6-7: Study becomes a higher priority, still into the kiddie stuff, definately into girls, becoming addicted to computer games, too much red cordial, when in year 7 they think they are all that, and are on top of the world. joshi's perspective: luckily they dont worry much about life then...
Year 8-9: They realise that they arent the best, and are brought back down to earth, they start to realise life and its complexity (at times) and begin to worry about stuff, girls become a big issue for some (it's a killer, seen it so many times :P), They see refuge from their problems, mostly by playing computer games (this is not the sole reason why we play computer games ok!), School is so easy it goes off track Joshi's Perspective: I think this period and the next period are the most important in a guy's life. It shows them how they perceive life, their attitude towards life and how they respond to their problems. I was on a low during this period because of major friendship issues, and luckily i took an invitation to FIGS. that changed my life forever....
Year 10- mid 11: I swear, so many guys i see this age are infatuated with materialistic stuff. All i see in msn pictures are Boa Kwon (a really cute korean singer... she was a good singer until she released the stupidest songs ive heard), and other asian and western celebrities. They start to worry about their future, and this period is probably the decision making period. Will they pursue this or will they pursue that? Joshi's perspective: this was kind of a decision making period for me, or probably acting on decisions i have previously made (which i would put in the next period). I was baptised in this period, and i think i made that decision(that i would get baptised) in year 6 or 7, but never followed through until then. When i was young, i wanted to beocme an architect, and i began to follow through that ambition. Oh i forgot to talk about girls :P, lets just say i wasnt greatly affected, im sane and thats good :P
Year 12: I think that its hard for people to change things that they have already concreted in their life, and this is probably a hard bit in grade 12. People realise they can't fulfil some of their goals, so they try to find a way out, which is pretty hard at that stage. Issues they have previously gone through become ways of life, and they are able to deal with it better at this stage. This is a year of studying and showing who you really are. Joshi's perspective: not much more to add, except this is the year guys show their true selves, may it be in subtle ways or in full form. I have seen it around me, friends changing into people i never knew. This is where i think i will separate my true friends from just my everyday friends; the people whom i will spend my uni and work days with.

Anyway, that is what i have seen, and what i think a guy's life is like. An alternative is the computer nerd option ( i wont mention any names.... eeeeeeee :p just joking). Sometimes i feel sorry for them, as they live in their own virtual reality of silicon chips and graphics cards on a fragile screen.

I don't know what inspired me, but just take the info as it is!


Monday, June 20, 2005

Love Holidays!

Ahhhh now I can remember the relaxing feeling of the holidays. Nothing to think about except resting and having fun. No pressure of work or anything else. No people to get angry with. Thats the life! I slept in for the first time in maybe 6 months... had enough sleep for once :). Then I cleaned my room, discovering things i forgot i ever had. Stumbled on some stuff i did in primary school... so funny how much i have changed since then. Hi Fi on all day... I lanned my computers up... and played soccer on comp. Also made some funny soccer tricks with my beloved nike ball. Mum made pasta for me :P so NICE!!! i wish i could cook as good as she does. I wish i could feel as carefree as this every day. I got my report card today. It was pretty good. I didnt get busted by my parents (well not yet), and i was quite satisfied with my results. I got VHA for maths B, Physics and Graphics, HA+ for Maths C and Chemistry, and HA for english. I think i will survive grade 12 with a decent OP now. But who cares now. Its time to relax and have fun! Life is so cool when you appreciate the small things, and not think about the expectatations and stress of life :D I hope this carries on, i sure need some relaxation!!

Sunday, June 12, 2005

Time pasts... circumstances change... people change..

I have had the worst weekend of my life. Here's a bit of what happened:
On friday night i made a big scratch on my lcd screen. I totally forgot it was there and i accidentally whacked a power plug into it. I also kicked my foot 3 times, which makes it severely demented.
On saturday morning I was in a rush and accidentally ran through a pedestrian crossing. Luckily no-one was going through because i cannot remember much of it except there was someone that 'might have' crossed. I also got a stomach bug from uncooked meat.... which kicked in at FIGS, which was not too nice. During/after figs, i was reminded about some 'personal' issues, which was not pleasant to be thinking about them anymore. By that time I was already half dead, so i think i didn't really notice that until i was about to go to bed.
Today, some of the stomach bug was still apparent. I was really nervous when I was at church, because i had to talk in front of the audience for the first time. But i was able to clear my mind a bit, and refresh myself physically and mentally, which is pretty good. FIGS meeting went alright. It was a bit long, and not as productive as i expected, but then again... i expect too much from myself and others sometimes. At least we were able to put some things in stone, and sort out other things.
I don't know, but i think i have changed a lot. I'm not used to be being so careless and absent minded. I don't know what brought it about... but i hope i can rectify this change....


Tuesday, June 07, 2005

I just screwed my future

I just stuffed up my exams so badly. I think i stuffed up every exam, except for maths C ( i can't believe i got a better mark in maths c than in maths b!). OP for pharmacy = 0%. OP for Archi = 20%. destined for engineering or science... SIGH! well i guess i could think about theological college or something :P Anyway decided to make next term even more crazy by volunteering to be figs coordinator. Have to organise figs camp! God help me PLEASEEE. ahh well. better go get some sleep.

Saturday, June 04, 2005

Update 4th June

Dear B~
This week has been really really tough. Every night I have done one term's worth of study, and luckily this has paid off. I've been living this past week with the flu, and sleep deprivation, which did not help much either. I'm so happy that I have finished these exams though... it's probably the most important exam period of my life so far. Today I went to working bee to help clean up the church. It was tiring, but I was glad to give a helping hand. It was proved that my gardening experience is much better than the likes of Jaye and Sel. My digging and planting skills were a class act :). Anyway, got stuff to do, stuff to think about, have to go.
I'll see ya later BBBBBB~!
Joshi =^.^=

Sunday, May 29, 2005

The week of hopelessness(is that even a word!??!)

The block exam week,
How stressful can it be?
Hours and hours of studying,
reading, and memorising tirelessly.

I wish i was doing that...
(as Yoda puts it) doing that, I should.
Instead I'm on the computer,
Thinking that I'm well and good.

But how should i know,
How well i should fare?
I've done next to nothing,
Should my harvest be bare?

But luckily for me
I'm a good boy!
I studied beforehand
And now i can relax and enjoy!

(I'm making this up,
just as i go.
I'm really bored here,
If you don't already know)

Friday, May 27, 2005

Miracles DO happen!

Maybe I'm crazy, but i think you can take lessons out of sport and apply them into life. On wednesday night/thursday morning, I saw my two beloved teams win their respective matches. The maroons won state of origin I, after leading 19-0, then going down 20-19 at the last few minutes(due to some dodgy referee calls), but a miraculous drop goal brought in extra time, and Bowen scored an intercept try to win the match. I was suprised at how that game turned out, and i was so happy that night! About 5 hours later, i watched my beloved liverpool team play the Eurpoean Cup final. They were down 1-0 in 50 seconds, and 3-0 down at half time. I was so depressed, but deep down, i had a feeling that my team was going to come back. Miraculously, they fought back, with a sensational 6 minutes, where liverpool scored 3 goals to tie the match. The game went to penalties, and my goalie pulled off 2 fine saves to win the european cup. This is living testimony to mircles! never has a team fought back from 3-0 down to win a final. If you apply this to life: You could be down and out, back to the wall, but if you persist, you may be rewarded. If you are on a high, and life brings you down, dont get all angry and sad, but persist, and you will regain that high again. If you persist, anything can happen, but if you give up, nothing can happen. Persistance pays! (amen to that!)

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Nifty Quotes

"Some people are so special that once they enter your life, if becomes richer and fuller and more beautiful than you ever thought it could be."

"Love puts the fun in together...
the sad in apart...
the hope in tomorrow...
the joy in a heart."
Exam countdown: 6 days
Stress levels: Chaos
Well Being levels: not very well...
Thought of the moment: Will I ever get through this storm in one piece?
Hope of the future: that whatever happens, we will all be friends forever :P

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

the snowball effect

Again its that time of the year, except this year it is way more crazy and stressful! This term is proabably the make or break term and next term is the stupid qcs(which i hope my school fluke good marks). Anyway, i think i have hit one of those 'snowball effect' times in life... one problem hits you, then the rest come too! First problem that came up was assignments, then came all the exams, competitions, my driving exam (which i passed luckily), queries if i should do UMAT, thoughts about future careers, and other private issues hit me in instantaneous fashion. why does this happen? i guess the only light is that there is someone up there pulling the strings for me, and all i can do is 'know' that i am being taken care of, and the things that happen are all meticulously planned by the big guy up there... i hope i pull through...

a sleep deprived joshi~

Sunday, May 01, 2005

My True Family

Today I have visited both the pinnacle and the deepest trench of my life. The highlight was my friends that came over for my birthday party. They all have contributed so much to my life, and since I feel that i am a people's person (i like being around people that genuinely care and are friends with me). thats a great feeling. The low of my life are some of the problems in my family. I have communication problems with everyone in my family (probably cos of age diff) and there are times when i am emotionally so low that i just want to run away. Thankfully, I have never gotten to that point, even though i get frustrated a lot, and when i am thinking properly, i know that my family cares for me even though on the outside they are all grumpy and naggy. However, what has kept my heart and soul going is my greater family: God's family. These people always put a smile on my face, laughter ringing in my ears and the feeling of care that i am blessed to have. These people are my real family, with my direct family, in the family of God. I am grateful for these great people, who sometimes give up their time for those they care for. Today, I was very upset because of these family communication breakdowns just before my party, and I was feeling the worst i have in the past 3 or so years. However, my great buddies that came to my party cheered me up, put a smile on my face, and like magic im on a high in my life. These guys are the best. You know who you are. THANKS LOADS!


Wednesday, April 27, 2005

God's Science Vs Man's Science

I feel that the modern generation have been led to believe a science made and encouraged by mankind. This science contradicts nearly everything the bible states, and is interpretted to be proved correct, lowering the authenticity of the bible. However, I have heard of many stories about scientists and historians, who decided to look into the authenticity of the bible against history and science, and everything makes sense! But why doesn't the world know about these revelations? It's because of mankind's selfishness. The men in power have created the 'mainstream' belief about evolution and billions of years etc., and do not want to change it, and damage their own careers. These beliefs about evolution and big bang have invaded everywhere... even high school and primary school teachers tell us that these theories are true, totally forgetting about the bible, and its validity.
But this is another problem in society that needs to be changed. People need to be more aware of the validity of the bible, and the truth it holds. People must know why the bible is true, the facts behind it, and the history that backs it all up. People need the evidence and the truth, explained to them in simple terms, so that they may be able to decipher for themselves the truth, and the make a decision with all the facts, not just the mainstream beliefs and theories. Some topics that I have come across are: how Adam and Eve's family intermarry and reproduce without having genetically disfunctional kids, the carbon dating proving billions of years, dinosaurs, evolution, etc. In all these topics, science has actually proved that the bible is right, and those scientists that claim otherwise, are wrong. Science is on God's side, and no man can disprove God's word, the Bible.

Saturday, April 23, 2005

The Misconception of Society

In the past week i have engaged with many conversations with friends and other people about the topic of religion, and a very big misconception, misinterpretation and misunderstanding is very obvious.
The issue about catholics, protestant and christians. It's true that there is some big variations between the different denominations and these three 'religions' in general, but I have one question to pose: what is their main belief? Is Jesus the head of their church, or is it some guy or other thing. I'd like to see society be more aware of WHY there are denominations, but also be aware of the things that we all hold true. I, personally, don't subdivide christians into protestants and catholics etc., I rather be aware of what they really believe in, and if they hold true to the Bible, and if Jesus is the head of their Church, then I'd put them into the group of Christians. If not, then in another group. This issue, i think, is tearing apart the secular view of christianity, and is a hindrance to the growth of the church.
The normal secular guy thinks that all these are different, and are sometimes confused at why there are so many denominations etc. They also poke fun at the internal division if they know about christianity as a whole, but dont believe (maybe because of this division). Something that comes through this is unity of the modern church (or lack of). Maybe if we present a united view of the church, taking away all these barriers, then maybe more people will come to the light.

Sunday, April 17, 2005

"miraculous" God moments

There are times where you can clearlysee God at work providing us with miracles. Figs is normally a very quiet study time, because the kids are quite nervous at speaking up, so we prayed about it particularly this time, and its like magic! It was definately the loudest, most productive study I have ever been in, in the 2 and a half years I have been at Figs. Never have I seen such profound and thoughtful answers, and the conversations that were started during the study, I was truly amazed at God answering our prayers.
There is another 'God' moment i frequently have. Every thursday night I have to walk to badminton and back home. The path there is quite dark, sometimes can be dangerous, because there have been a few armed robberies around that path, and gangsters hang around near that place sometimes because its a back alley on the way to garden city. But anyway, at times i pray to God that he will safely get me to or from badminton, and show me the way so i'm not scared. Twice, when i saw teens loitering around (they actually made a mini heat bomb thing and wasted a few windows on a 4wd once), i was offered lifts home from generous people whom i dont know personally, but i just know them from badminton, and some other times when its really late and dark, theres always a car every interval with lights showing me the way home. it may be coincidence sometimes, but i feel that God is looking after me.
These are some of those moments which clearly point to a real and loving God we have!

Monday, April 11, 2005

Fellowship is good fun!

Last saturday we had a LOTR movie night for figs. even though the turnout was not great, we had fun nevertheless. The time we had together doing the same thing, sharing our time with each other doing something we liked, and enjoying it together.... thats something that personally i treasure every moment of. I use these times of fellowship to make friends with people, and to know my friends better, and to have quality time with them. This is what i think these types of activities should be used for. Fellowship builds up trust, friendship, and also gives yourself a backdoor to the busy lives we live in today. We should do more of these types of fellowship activities so we can all know each other, brothers and sisters in christ, more.

Saturday, April 09, 2005

Why do people deny themselves?

In my (so far) short life, i have seen many people who have great talent at different things, but they deny themselves, and put themselves down because they think they aren't that good. but why? Is it because they want attention? Or could it be that they strive to the perfection they can never reach? I don't know, but I think its very bad for yourself by doing so. I mean, what is the point of having a talent if you are never going to use it. Even the bible says to use your talents wisely ( the parable of the guys with coins). I know theres a point of overconfidence and ego-headedness, but I am sure people can work with their talents with that boundary. If you are smart, don't deny it, but don't boast about it. If you are good at an instrument, let people hear it, but don't dominate everyone else. I think people should use their talents for the benefit of all, working between the boaundaries of overconfidence, or piggybacking people (i.e. helping people too much).
In the past few days, I have heard people say they are dumb, when they are quite smart, and people who say they can't do things which they are good at, and people who are good at things i.e. music, but they don't want to do it.
If everyone denied themselves, the world would be at a standstill. No famous person denied themselves. Some of them went too far, but the fact is they were confident in their abilities. If everyone was confident in their abilities, without going overboard, the world would operate much easier. Everything would operate as it should, like clockwork.
But what I reckon people should do is not to bottle up their talents and abilities, and not to deny them. Just accept it, and use it within the boundaries, for the benefit of themselves, and everyone else.

Saturday, April 02, 2005

Quit week?

This week's been really tough on me unfortunately... all this frustration about things and feeling like quiting. I can't believe how hard it is to organise things properly, and keeping everyone happy at the same time. You don't want to disappoint anyone, but you have to one way or another. It gets even worse when the people who you are organising things for dont like the things you are organising, and they get all annoyed at you for doing little things wrong. I was told to organise a band, but when i start organising all the finer details, all of a sudden they want to organise to get what they want. But i guess thats part of life and I got to accept that sometimes.

Tonight's figs study was pretty good. For me, it feels very good to understand other people's perceptions and thinking from just a few short verses. Its amazing all the things you can get out of it! The only drawback now is the kids aren't very responsive. Over time, that may improve, I hope.

That's enough for me, time for precious sleep :P

Thursday, March 31, 2005

Its about time

Its about time i refreshed my Blog and started from scratch. Holidays... arent they supposed to be relaxing and fun? i reckon its probably more stressful, and at times busier than during school days! I mean, i have to study for some stupid exam that was delayed. ruined my holidays =.= anyway ill get back shortly, just gotta update some stuff first :P