Saturday, December 31, 2005


I hate Death.
It's dark, cruel, horrible.
It's not right. Its not the norm.
But it exists...

It must be painful waiting for death to overcome you, lieing there in a hospital ward...
It seems crazy to be alive, when death is at your doorstep, and nothing you can do will stop it.
It's just torture to watch you there, when I know that any second, you will be gone, and all the power in the world cannot stop this.
Every second to me seems like nothing, but to you, its another second to be with us, to be alive on this world.
Every breath i take, drink i drink, and food i eat, seems like nothing to me, but to you, it is a luxury.
Every time you look through your eyes, everything seems picturesque, even the run down houses and messed up streets is like a masterpiece.
Even the smell of the sewers is like a fragrant perfume.

I can't even comprehend what it feels like to be in this situation. I hate death. God has claimed victory over death. Yet physical death is still so painful. God tells us to live every moment on earth for him. Live life and take all the opportunities God gives you, as if it is your last. Only then, will physical death be something much easier to face.

But still... death is horrible. Waiting for it makes you feel helpless. I wish there was no death...

Tuesday, December 20, 2005


HEY i got OP 2 weeeeeeeee!! and I aced QCS weeeeeeeeee!! This is one of the best suprises life has given me, I'm just making the most of it hehe. When i found out i got op2 i refreshed the screen to see if it was for real... then i hit refresh a couple more times... and then i ran around the house a few times and woke up my parents! They were stoked! I felt awesome! weeeeeeee. Also, going to Malaysia for Xmas! Looking forward to the biggest family gathering of my life :D Going to meet all my cousins again and bum around, and it will be different this time, cos now i'm much older and i can mix in much better. I can't wait to dig into the satays, Chao Kwe Taos, Roti Chanai, Laksa, Nasi lamak, Nasi goreng, Curry, Ice Kachang, Coconut, Durian, Fried bananas, grass jelly, ice lemon teas, great seafood, awesome 100% italian restaurant in the middle of KK, and tonnes of other food..... *droools*

Friday, December 16, 2005

Life Changing Moments

Crap. Crap. Crap! Tomorrow is D-day for all grade 12'ers since our OP comes out. For me, its gonna be when all this really hits me. I've finished school. I've graduated from grade 12. I'm entering the 'real world'. I'm gonna be an architect. Still, finishing school hasn't sunk in. I still feel like formal was a night or two ago, and i haven't really graduated yet. Now my hopes are pinned on that enter button, when i enter the qsa website. No doubt many lcd screens are going to be broken. Computer repair companies are going to have a field day. but i still have 24 hours to gear up for that :)

Just thinking about moments that have changed my life so far:
  • my first visit to malaysia (1998)
  • my trip to the USA(2000)
  • graduating primary school (2000)
  • getting top .03% in queensland in maths comp. and winning maths team challenge (2000)
  • joining FIGS (2002)
  • my Baptism (2004)
  • Finishing High School (2005)
  • PB badminton comp. record 5 win - 1 loss (2005)

Other Moments people will remember for the rest of their lives (feel free to add)

  • Finishing UNI
  • first date
  • wedding
  • 21st birthday
  • day you get your pension/superannuation

Sunday, December 11, 2005

What's Commitment?

During the last fortnight, this topic has been in the forefront of my mind: what is commitment? Some people are commited to doing what is right, others are commited to do what is good for them, and other people are commited to what they want to commit themselves to. For me, and many people, especially those with an english background, have a commitment to what they say they will do, whether they like it or not. For example, someone invites me to a party and i tell them i will go. The day before the party, another friend invites me to their party. I would say no to him, and go to the first guy's party because i made a commitment to show up to his party when i said i would go. However, many other people, and i'd say predominantly asian, purely from experience, seem to think they can just say yes to everything and then make up their minds later, and rock up to whatever they want to. This, to me is not commitment. It may do justice to one person, but complete sells out another. How would my friend feel if i promised him a year ago that i would be there for his wedding, but not make it because i found out there was a party on that day a week before the wedding, and went to the party instead of the wedding because i thought the party would be funner for me. This has happened to me on many separate occasions over the past week, and it seems there is a disturbing but reoccuring pattern going on. What is commitment? Doing what you say you will, or doing what you feel like?