sigh

I remember the last time i tried to co-ordinate something big. Everyone assumes things are happening their way. No one listens to wat I say, and at the end everything becomes mixed up. Things tend to repeat themselves, but i hope i can do this properly. It's just very frustrating when people say this and people say that, and that is not really wat I said or was how it was supposed to be before. I dunno... hope everything works out right for FIGS camp... or I'm a dead man in both worlds.

The lull before the storm...

I think this is my last non-panic day before i have to start studying like a maniac on exams... This week has been so busy... BLT and QCS did not help... (well they did..... QCS not as much..). QCS is so stupid... The last question in the SRI was to write about the atmosphere in a picture given. They gave us about two pages to answer this question... and it was the hardest one. I wrote some stuff about romance and some women waiting for a guy to come into their lives. I just blabbed on and on about crap. The theme for the written was discovery... I did an editorial about Space exploration being a waste of time. I was able to incorporate something about God and the Broncos too! ohhh yeah, for the soccer fans.... The SR had a piece.... written by LES MURRAY!!! i was laughing for like 2 mins... but it wasnt THE les murray.... some lunatic poet... oh well...

Time to get ready for exams...

Humbled...

I'm such a nothing. Just a void. A pawn in the chess board. An insignificant figure. Yet it astonishes me how someone can use such an imperfect being for their ultimate goal. I can confess... I'm not a good study writer. I'm not the best leader a group could have. I'm not the most focussed person around. I like to bum around when I am able to. I'm no good with talking to an audience more than 1. I'm so imperfect, yet God still works through me.

Today for FIGS, I wrote the study, and in the beginning I was so happy because I finished writing it so early. But in reality, I wasn't very prepared today. I shifted the leadership to someone else. I kind of bummed around and annoyed people a little bit in the study (sorry everyone ><). I feel terrible. Yet God worked through me. He was able to arouse the thoughts of a new christian. She asked great questions about being a christian. Questions that i knew the answers to, but i had once struggled with or always practiced. But i didn't know how to answer them properly. Luckily, i had awesome leaders to help answer the q's. Thank God that my study gave glory to him, despite its imperfections. Its truly a miracle.

Christianity too structured? only from society's view!

Today, i was talking to one of my best friends when the topic of religion came up. We both refuted the big bang theory, he was for evolution, i was for adaptation (which is not mutation of genes and so on), but then he said that religion is too structured, and organisational these days. I must say, that i have to agree with him on that one, well thats the society's view of christianity. He thought that religion should be based on one's understanding and point of belief, which is one major part of coming to a relationship with God. All the interdenominational wrangling, the spiritual heirachy business (all the deans and popes and whatnots) and christian factions which have become way too outspoken have tinged the great name of God in the eyes of the lost. Companies like Hillsong have sometimes gone too far organisationally, and have taken away their sole purpose in need for consumer exposure. Affairs relating to high profile religious figures (who i doubt are even deserve their high profile place, or even of 'the faith' if they get caught for sexual misconduct and other vile crimes) do not help the image of christianity.
For me, i did not come through some organisation of brainwashing or any kind of pressure. Sure, i went to sunday school, but that means little. I became a christian in my own way. I had the information about Jesus and sin and so on. That wasn't my struggling point. I pieced history, based on facts, with the bible. I pieced christian teaching with good morals. I pieced the history of the world with the history of God: the bible, and everything fit perfectly. I had no doubt in my mind that God was the way. Jesus is the way to God, He is the truth, and He brings eternal life to me and everyone who believes. This is my own way of coming to the point of belief.
Christianity is not an organisational cult. It is personal. Me and God. You and God. It doesn't matter what everyone else says or thinks. In the end it is God.